So today is my birthday. And I find myself in tears. But these are good tears. In fact, a couple of years ago, I cried on my birthday but they were tears of desperation. Of wondering what in the world was happening with my life. Of succumbing to feelings of total insignificance. Which in hindsight was absolutely untrue, but I couldn't, or possibly wouldn't, see past myself in those moments.
Conversely, today, I find myself crying with gratitude. I am overwhelmed by the kind thoughts and words of people on my path, and I cannot believe God would choose me to sprinkle his life on anyone else. But he has. Surely a gift of immeasurable proportion. If it were only one other person that would be incredible, but he has somehow allowed jacked up me to be life to many over the years.
Foolishness of the gospel indeed.
Please know, I type this in as much humility as my sanctification will afford me thus far. Not in arrogance. I just find myself staggered that I get to live a hopelessly flawed life and somehow God makes something lovely with it. Fragrant even. For others.
And while too many of my moments I surrender to accusation, brutalizing myself with how I failed someone else or was either too much or not enough in a situation -- today, on my birthday, God has been especially tender with me. He has given me eyes to see how he is making all new in me, but even more surreal, through me. An allowance I pray he will bind to my heart and forehead to combat my impending times of forgetfulness.
If you are reading this, thank you for gracefully allowing the Christ in me to be life, if even for a moment. For in these small moments, I gratefully recognize the measure of this gift.
Thank you, Jesus, for being my life. In both hope and heartbreak, abundance and little. You really are the God who sees me. May this year find me moving in wisdom and grace with open hands, spilled out. Giving, receiving, laughing, and loving in a way that dispels the dark and perhaps even compels others to do the same.
Christ in me, the hope of glory.
And you too.
Let's be life today.
I mean, what if?
"For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power if from God and not from us."
2 Corinthians 4:5-7